hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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