What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
