Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
