i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
