It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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