so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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