so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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