so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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