Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
