she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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