Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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