if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
