Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
