what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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