Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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