Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
