You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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