This girl is more easily done than said...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
