WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
