wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
