Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
