When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
