I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
