i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
