the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
