I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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