But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
