thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize