life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
