On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
