You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
