he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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