The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
