im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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