The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
