ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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