so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
