I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Shame - the story of my life.
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