i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
