we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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