Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
