I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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