Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize