I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
