my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
