She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize