Please, let me fuck your mom
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
