Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
