I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
