mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
