i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize