Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
