so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
