I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
