no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
