he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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