The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
