Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He felt like a one man threesome
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize