dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
