My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
