He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize