Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fuck appropriateness.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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