Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
