I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
