I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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