Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
